


if i could see your face once more

by undernightlight



Series: Music Inspirations [9]
Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Genosha, M/M, Pining, pining Charles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 14:29:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19230997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undernightlight/pseuds/undernightlight
Summary: Despite Erik being so far away and after everything he’s done, Charles still wants Erik in his life, however that may be.[Set Between Apocalypse and Dark Phoenix]





	if i could see your face once more

**Author's Note:**

> In case you couldn't tell, I'm really enjoying writing some X-Men fics again. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Charles knew it was a long shot, and he felt rather foolish for thinking about it and now finally acting upon it. If he managed to find Erik it would be a miracle, let alone get through to him and to initiate and continue a conversation. He perhaps was still naive, thinking that after all this time that maybe they could salvage something. He liked to think he was hopeful, but probably stupid would fit just as well.

He made his way to cerebro. It was late and he risked running into nobody on the way down there, not that he thought many people would question him. Raven would, maybe Hank, but they were asleep. Despite being in the room so often, Charles still sometimes found it daunting to be in such a large open space, especially with the intent to try and pinpoint one specific mutant who he knew definitely didn't want to be contacted. Placing on the helmet, he took in a deep breath and focused. Finding Erik was going to be difficult. Charles knew he was somewhere he called Genosha, but that was all. He didn't know where, not even simple things like continent of time zone, so he had a task ahead of him. 

He began searching. It wasn't easy, the sheer number of mutant was overwhelming, but he knew Erik well and had faith in himself that even if he just caught a glimpse, he'd be able to pick Erik out in a second. His faith wavered though after a week or searching and coming up empty. Every night. Many hours. Nothing came up. It was exhausting but Charles thought that if he could somehow locate Erik it would all be worth it in the end. And that meant just locate him. If he managed to get through and then Erik wanted nothing to do with him, then so be it. It would hurt of course, but at least he'd be able to just look in every now and then to make sure Erik was still alive and well. That's all Charles really hoped for in the end. 

He was honestly starting to lose hope. But then one night he felt it. He wasn't sure exactly what it was he felt but it was distinctly Erik whatever it was. And Charles realised that was probably his mistake all along. He was trying to find Erik with his mind, thinking about it as logically as he could, when really all he needed to do was find Erik with his heart. It was never more complicated than that. 

It took some time though to fully pinpoint the location of this distinctly Erik feeling, but he did eventually. First to an island filled with mutants, then to one specific figure one level up from the ground. Charles had no doubts that it was Erik. He just knew, and so he reached out. 

_Erik, it's me, Charles. I just want to talk._

For the first time in a very long time, Charles suddenly doubted if his powers worked. There was nothing but static filtering through, background noise he'd learnt to tune out but when that was all that was there when he was hoping so desperately just to hear Erik's voice, it seemed almost deafening and all consuming. He wondered if he'd even gotten through. Could he have been wrong? Was that not Erik? And then

_It's been quite some time old friend._

Charles had a strong feeling that if he was standing - if he could stand that is - he'd of collapsed to the floor. Never had someone voice sounded so wonderful. 

_I didn't think you were going to respond._

_Only because it's you Charles._

There was something assertive in Erik's tone that Charles could only really label as history. They'd known each other for so long now that it was somehow expected yet still surprising.

_Thank you. I don't think you quite realise how much I appreciate hearing your voice._

_I think I do. Don't forget that this telepathic bond works in part both ways. If you want to be more subtle about how much you miss me you should stop projecting so hard._

He hoped, so very desperately then, that Erik couldn't somehow sense the blush that was creeping up his back and spreading across his face. He was always the most subtle when it came to his interest, but he'd thought he had a bit more control than he evidently did.

But Erik laughed, a hearty chuckle that brought Charles back round, and then spoke. 

_If you were paying attention, you'd realise I miss you equally as much._

And when Charles stopped and thought and felt, it seemed that Erik was telling the truth. A smile crept across his face. He felt both foolish and warmed that somehow Erik still cared after all this time, after everything they'd been through. 

_I'm sorry Charles._

_What for?_

_For everything._

_Oh don't be ridiculous, you have nothing-_

_Charles._

There was definitely no doubt that after all this time, Erik knew how to use this telepathic bond of theirs as well as Charles did. There was something about that that helped settle his racing heart, allowing him some sort of relaxation. But Erik's voice put him on edge then, so sudden and strong and commanding, but Erik could often be like that. 

_Saying I have nothing to be sorry for doesn't ease any guilt. I cannot change the past, and though I may not deserve it, I ask you for forgiveness._

_Oh my friend, I forgave you long ago. But if it will make feel better hearing it, then I forgive you Erik._

A silence stretched between them but Charles knew Erik was still there. He could always tell when Erik was with me. He missed Erik’s presence. It had been quite some time when they were just able to be around each other and not be fighting, either it be each other or something else. Charles found that he missed the small domesticities of Erik and their relationship. He missed just playing chess with him, and their long winding conversations that usually accompanied it. He missed when they trained together. He missed Erik’s brash nature in regards to anything vaguely personal. He missed the small things the most.

_I miss it all too._

Maybe it had been longer than he thought, because though being connected to Erik’s mind felt natural and fitting, he found himself slipping into his own thought far more than he used to, getting distracted and forgetting that Erik could see and feel and sense all these distractions. He shook it off, and tried to steer the conversation in a different direction, but Erik seemed to beat him to it.

_Why are you up as such a stupid time?_

_I could ask you the same thing._

_There are things to do here as Genosha, it doesn’t matter the time of day._

_Genosha? That’s your island. Sounds quite wonderful._

_You’re always welcome Charles. Any and every mutant are. It’s our safe haven away from anyone that would want to hurt us and away from expected pressures._

_It sounds like things are really working out for you Erik. I’m happy._

And he was, of course. It didn’t make missing Erik any easier, but at least he knew Erik was happy. In the end, it was always Erik. His happiness took priority of Charles’ own, just not when it came at the expense of lives. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and rubbed his forehead. He was exhausted, and Erik could tell, and light chuckle escaping him.

_You should sleep Charles._

Erik was right and Charles found he didn’t want to give into that, but there was no point in resisting. But Charles was scared to go to sleep and when he woke up, he’d have lost Erik. Charlese didn’t want to risk waking and not being able to find him again, or for Erik to shut him out or to see something neither of them intended to be seen. There was so much to risk for Charles just to get the sleep he was in desperate need of. He thought if there was a way to stay awake indefinitely and not risk losing the one he missed the most, then he would do it without hesitation. 

_I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise. I have no intentions of leaving or shutting you out so will you please stop worrying, it’s making me anxious._

_I’m sorry. I just feel I have so much to lose._

_I know, but I’m not going anywhere. Please, just get some rest and talk to me later. Maybe you’ll have better luck keeping your own thoughts in your head._

Charles couldn’t help but laugh because Erik made a very valid point. He rubbed at the corners of his eyes, nodding his head, knowing that somehow Erik would see it. There was so much he still wanted to say, to try and explain though he didn’t know what needed explaining. Something inside of him told him to just go, rest and come back because Erik would be there. Something els inside of him told him to hold on and not let go because everything in this world was so fragile and he could everything he ever loved in just one moment of uncontrollable reality. Life was cruel and Charles knew that, so why gamble all that he held dear. Charles needed Erik with him as much as possible now. He didn’t realise that was what this conversation would do to him. He thought he’d hear Erik’s voice and think of everything he’d lost but also gained since Erik left, but instead all he could think of was that Erik was on some island in the middle of the ocean, finally feeling happy and content and for once not murderous, and all Charles wanted was to pull him into his arms and never let go.

_I love you too Charles._

That was enough to have Charles sniffling, tears ready to spill. It was partly the sleep deprivation and Charles was content on blaming that entirely, but Erik was still in his head so it would do no good to lie to himself when he was also lying to Erik.

_Goodnight Erik._

_Goodnight old friend._

**Author's Note:**

> It's funny, I've always said I'm more of an MCU fan, but I write so much more for Fox characters in this regard. Hmm, I don't know exactly what that means but I found it interesting. Though I have written more OCs in the MCU, which I won't share because they were written a long time ago so a) the canon is very weird and mixed up and b) it's very poorly written because i was like 15/16 (I think). Maybe I'll re-write some of it some day, keep the plot that has a lot of differences in canon, like the location of the soul stone, but just make it better.


End file.
